Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
