yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
