Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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