I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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