i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
