i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize