They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
