if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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