Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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