You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
