I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
