Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
