True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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