I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
