I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
