good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm too high and old for this...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
