True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize