so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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