Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
