I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
