The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
