There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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