Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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