Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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