quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
