Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
