Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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