My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
