Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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