She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
