Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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