I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
