I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
