I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
