Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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