she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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