I am full of burrito and curiosity
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
