No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
