She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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