Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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