He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
