omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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