The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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