i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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