today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
