Got a toothbrush?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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