let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
