this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
