I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
