oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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