What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
