He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize