Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When are your genitals available?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
