i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
