I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
