I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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