Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
sarcasm needs its own font
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
