I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
