Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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