So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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