You smell like a Billy Joel song
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
