hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize