Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
