Where is the hickey?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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