I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
