other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
