I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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