I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize