im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
