Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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