i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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