I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
