Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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