So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
