Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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