Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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