too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
