I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
