I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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