When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
