Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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