My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize