guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
