I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
