3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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